Disclaimer: I plan to write about pregnancy on my blog but hopefully that’s not all I will talk about! I’ve decided to use my blog as the place to do this instead of facebook. I follow and appreciate a lot of bloggers in the midst of infertility and uncertainty. Know that I understand if you don’t feel up to reading my pregnancy related posts. I’m going to keep following your journey and cheering you on!
Pregnancy. I’m 15 weeks. What has it been like so far? Hard. Exciting. Surreal. When I say hard, I don’t mean lying on the bathroom floor puking 8x a day hard. My nausea began at week 6 and continued to week 10, I’ve had it off and on since then. I didn’t puke in my nausea filled weeks but felt that if I didn’t eat something every 2 hours I was surely going to be sick. No, it wasn’t until recently at 15 weeks that I puked for the first time! Go figure. Hopefully that’s the last. Back to Hard. What has been challenging for me re: pregnancy is the worry. The fear that your little one has died and you just don’t know it yet. The panic that would set in when I spotted off and on weeks 6 and 7 and terrifyingly again at weeks 12-13. Anxiety over losing this little life was the most challenging part of the 1st trimester for me.
Derek’s been wonderful. When the pregnancy test turned positive on August 5th, he suggested we go out to dinner to celebrate. When I’ve been consumed with worry and cried a couple of times, he’s held me and prayed for me and our baby. He put up with days where I either didn’t have the energy to cook or couldn’t stand the idea of cooking. He’s been to all of my appointments with me. A true partner.
Weight wise, I weigh the same now as I did back in early August. But that’s just the scale speaking. My pants feel much tighter and some of them I can’t get into anymore! I’m not showing yet, well, I’m showing like I’ve been eating too much rather than a nice obvious baby bump!
The other day, Derek wanted to get a Starbucks drink before we did some shopping. I said to him, “if Starbucks no longer existed I’d be perfectly okay with that”. This was an only-when-pregnant type statement from me! I used to LOVE Starbucks and coffee. I was an addict. But when week 6 hit, I lost all desire for coffee (even decaf). You couldn’t pay me to drink coffee. I also lost all desire for raw vegetables and just the thought of cucumbers made me want to gag. Eggs, especially hard boiled ones were difficult to even look at (LOVED them before). Unfortunately, during this time I started craving crabs more! Previously, we were eating a very healthy diet. I’m sad that pregnancy made some of that difficult. I did try to still eat healthy and Derek was great for helping me to brainstorm healthy alternatives for some junk that I was craving. He found me a bag of organic/all natural cheesies, go figure! and instead of eating candy I’d snack on dried apricots.
15 weeks. Second trimester. It feels surreal to be here. My anxiety has lessened since I left the first trimester. But I’m not naive enough to think its gone for good. What no-one told me about the first trimester is that anxiety can be hardest part of it all.