Whether or not to find out: that is the question!

20 weeks today. Happy to be half way. We won’t have our anatomy scan until another couple of weeks. That’s the one where we *could* find out gender.

Boy-or-Girl-DDHere’s the back story… I lean towards waiting until delivery to find out. Derek would choose to find out now. Below I’ll list out some of the positive to each of our options. I would love to hear what you decided to do + why and if you were happy with that choice.

Waiting until birth to find out:

1. While a bit romanticized, I’d love for Derek (instead of an ultrasound tech) to tell me, “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl”.

2. I’ve already spent half of this pregnancy not knowing, what’s 20 more weeks?

3. Once family/friends know the gender, it’s very likely that you’ll get everything in pink or blue at your shower. And your more likely to get tons of cute clothing (that they often outgrown before they can wear them all) rather than some practical items off your baby registry. Since we’d like to have another child and you don’t get a shower for your 2nd, I’d rather have gender neutral items that could be used again if we have a child of opposite gender. Plus, sometimes a baby shower for a girl is just way too much pink and frills (even for me who likes pink!).

4. I think there’s an added level of excitement when friends and family have to wait until the birth to find out (even though they wish you’d find out early!).

Finding out early:

1. You get to mentally prepare for life with a son or daughter.

2. If you happen to have a rough/complicated delivery, the “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” may not be as romantic as imagined. In some of these cases, one may wish they found out earlier.

3. You can decorate your nursery for a boy or a girl.

4. Makes naming the child a bit easier as you only focus on boy or girl names. You can start calling your child by name (if you wish) before delivery. This can make it feel more real for some people.

Finding out and not telling anyone:

This seems to be the compromise between the two. This way, #3 and #4 can still be accomplished in “Waiting until birth to find out” and obviously, all of “Finding out early” is as well. The biggest problem with this is how people will react. Will they think its snobbish to know and not tell anyone? Will some people pressure us to tell them ’cause they just have to know? Will one of us slip up and then the news will be unofficially out?

I would LOVE to hear what you decided to do (or plan to do) and why. TGIF šŸ™‚

6 thoughts on “Whether or not to find out: that is the question!”

  1. We chose not to find out until delivery. Before I was even pregnant I knew that’s what I wanted. I liked the romantic idea of being told in the delivery. Chris at first wanted to know but then changed his mind. When I went in for the scan I told the technician as soon as I walked in that I didn’t want to know so I wouldn’t be tempted. If we had found out there’s no way we could have kept that secret! I know people who have found out and kept it a secret but I know myself and I would want to share. We did have some complications and Olivia was whisked away to be examined right away. We didn’t know what gender until they asked us what name and we had to ask boy or girl?! That experience doesn’t make me wish I did differently. I liked waiting. I got two types of responses when people asked. There were people who thought that it was great to wait and would take a guess by their gut feeling or how my belly was shaped. The other response was” why would you wait, you should find out so you can plan plus I want to know! ” I didn’t feel the need to plan for gender, I was planning on decorating the nursery neutral(it’s white and green jungle theme bedding). And for names we liked figuring out both. We knew for sure what girl name we wanted but during delivery still were deciding on a girls name. Haha it was when I was told it was time to push that I turned to Chris and said “we still need a boys name!”
    In the end there is no wrong choice. Choose what you want to do. People will tell you what they think you should do, no matter what you decide because people like to share their opinions especially when it comes to children.
    It’s exciting either way! šŸ™‚

  2. We didn’t have this opportunity when we were expecting our boys. With our first one, David dubbed him “Toby”. Whenever someone felt distressed over the name, I would smile and say his full name,” Tobias Amadeus Greene”. ( of course it is Steve) šŸ˜‰
    When I carried him I felt he was a boy. With my second I wasn’t as certain but David’s sister was certain he was a boy. My shape, the baby bump, etc. I enjoyed not knowing but then had no choice.
    Today I’m not sure what I would do. You could have them take the revealing picture and mark on it , then seal it in an envelope for you.
    I think what you said about neutral gifts is important.
    Those are my thoughts.
    You will do the right thing for you. This is your experience no one else’s. Do it for you!!

  3. I want you guys to do what you want. Personally, I’ll be happy waiting to find out if little Spinky is a niece or a nephew. I like the surprise myself šŸ™‚ So if you know, don’t feel pressured to tell me!! Besides, it’ll be more fun to know when I can know the name at the same time! And I know you want to wait to share that.

    Love you guys!

  4. We decided that we’d like to know. We’re on Week 12, so we still have to wait awhile. I think we just like the idea of knowing so that it will seem more real(?). We only briefly discussed not finding out. I do worry about getting all pink or blue stuff as that’s not what I want. I don’t foresee it being easy to keep a secret, so we likely won’t. I hope that you two can decide what is best for you. šŸ™‚

    P.S. My friend is having her baby any day now and they don’t know. It’s kind of exciting!

  5. I always assumed we would find out and then tell everyone, but you raise such a good point. I don’t want everyone to start only giving blue/pink stuff…boys and girls can like lots of different colors! This post made me think about finding out ourselves but keeping it a surprise from everyone else.

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