This is bound to be a scattered post.
I’m 29 weeks and feeling a bit panicky at times. How can we be so close to our lives being turned upside down? They tell you that life will never be the same. Um, that’s scary when your current life is a good one, a life that you’ve built and enjoy very much. How do you soak up these last days/hours of our life looking/feeling/being one way? We are attempting to go out more often but that seems a bit futile. Even if we “live it up” now, won’t it still be HARD later?
I’ve got a long list of things that need to get done before baby arrives. And these aren’t even just baby things. It’s reorganizing and purging stuff, finishing jobs around the house, shopping for things (i.e. new towels) that I just never get around to doing.
And then there’s also baby related stress. Picking out our stroller is a headache that I can’t wait to be over. It’s proving to be so hard. And not having a good store around here to test drive various models doesn’t help. And what about finishing the nursery and packing a hospital bag. And learning more about taking care of a newborn. So much to learn.
Then there’s every day commitments, cleaning, and work to do. What about going off work for 1 year time? and pairing back on my volunteer commitments? There’s SO much to do in that regard to prep for my absence.
How about there being not one person in this area that I know who will be on mat leave the same time as me. (*I know we are spoiled in Canada to be off for an entire year). Everyone I know with little ones is either a) done having their babies or b) had their baby in 2014. I’m scared of being too alone/isolated during my mat leave. Believe me, I’m grateful for being pregnant + mat leave, I will need to be intentional about making connections and not being a hermit. My introverted self will be OK with being alone, I just know that too much alone time can be unhealthy.
And then…what if I go into labour early? This thought causes me to go into over-drive and feel that I need to be ready, like, YESTERDAY! You can just imagine how much fun I am to live with when I feel this way. Poor hubby.
And then I need to slow down and remember that stress is not good for me. I’ve had bell’s palsy once before (was triggered by stress) and as a result, am more likely to experience it again at some point in life. Women in the 3rd trimester are more likely to get bell’s palsy. When I notice that I’m stressing myself out I remind myself of bell’s palsy and take some deep breaths. I was lucky that my face completely recovered last time, I may not be so lucky the next time.
Preparing for your first child. Oh so exciting. Scary. And stressful at times. There’s SO much to do. But even if I get everything on my lists checked off (doubtful), will I ever feel ready? Truly ready? I’m thinking not. Maybe it’s time to change my way of thinking. To challenge myself to take it one day at time, to cope better with anxiety, and to take good care of myself (esp. spiritually speaking). Kids model the behaviour of their parents. Monkey see = monkey do. There will always be long lists of what needs to get done. But I can’t let preparation rob me from today.
If you can relate or have tips to share, please do. I’m a work in progress!