I wasn’t one of the those girls who always dreamed of having children. I dreamed of getting married but I didn’t picture a baby carriage shortly after “I do”. For many years, I seriously thought that I’d live out my days as happily child-free. We were married over 5 years before I started to lean towards having a baby. It wasn’t that life felt empty or that there was something missing. No, our lives felt FULL. Our jobs gave us a sense of purpose and fulfillment (as pastor and social worker) and we felt like a real family even though it was just the two of us. We also thoroughly enjoyed focusing on paying off debt, volunteer work, and travel! Life was great, so why rock the boat? I guess initially the decision to have children came down to wanting to live a life with as little regrets as possible. While we loved our life, I felt that I’d regret not experiencing having a child (if we were able to have one).
As you can imagine, I spent a lot of time trying to find personal stories of what having a child is like. I read lots of stories of women who regretted having children. What I couldn’t find very often was an account of what having a child is like from someone who previously seriously considered living child-free. While I’m only 6 weeks in, that’s what I’ll attempt to do here.
Having a newborn is ….
Hard. Sometimes in the middle of the night I feel like I just.can’t get up one more time to feed her.
Exciting. Babies are more wonderful than I pictured. I now get why women get all crazy for babies. I look forward to spending the day with a baby!
Emotional. I’ve cried many tears of joy and appreciation over the last 6 weeks. I’m so thankful for her life.
Rewarding. Even if it never got better than this, I’d always be glad for this chapter in my life.
Joyful. I sing silly songs, kiss chubby cheeks and haven’t felt happier in years.
Daunting. A big responsibility. Never a guarantee that she’ll be healthy/safe or love me in the end.
Having a newborn is tough. It’s hard not feeling productive. Frustrating when simple tasks don’t get done. And lack of sleep is rough. But I’m just like so many parents before me…I wouldn’t trade it. I’m happy to be a mom!