5 Love Languages

I remember the day I approached my mother to tell her that I felt as if she did not love me. I could barely get the words out because I was crying so hard. She was totally shocked that I would question if she loved me. She listed off all the thing that she did for me out of love: meals, housekeeping, taxes, education, etc. I left that conversation starting to feel that maybe my mother loved me all along but I was expecting her to love me in a different way…

At a later time, I came across the concept of the 5 Love Languages. If you have never heard of the 5 Love Languages or would like a quick refresher click here). For the first time, I was able to understand that my love language is Words of Affirmation (to learn your love language click here: love language quiz). The reason why I felt as if my mother did not love me was because I was looking for compliments and encouraging words while she was showing her love to me with her love language: Acts of Service. We were speaking two different love languages. Both were saying I LOVE YOU but one was speaking Spanish and the other English.

Since my love language is words of affirmation, it’s my default to show love to others with the way that I feel loved (giving loving & encouraging words). But not everyone’s love language is the same as mine. Derek’s love language is Acts of Service. It means more to Derek if I do something nice for him instead of writing him a loving note. So instead of trying to tell him “I love you” in my own language, I have to make it a point to say “I love you” in his language. This is my attempt at telling Derek that I love him on Valentines Day a couple years ago:


 What’s your love language? When was the last time you tried to speak the love language of someone else despite the fact that it’s easier to say “I LOVE YOU” in your own love language? Food for thought.

2 thoughts on “5 Love Languages”

  1. I bet it’s more common than we realize (to marry someone with a different love language). It helps me so much to remind myself of what Derek’s default love langue is…and what doesn’t come naturally to him.

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