Leaving Church quotes by Barbara Brown Taylor

For a book club, I was asked to share some of my favourite quotes from Barbara Brown Taylor’s book Leaving Church. The book is the author’s journey of becoming an ordained priest, taking a small town parish, and leaving five years later. The book club facilitator was interested in my perspective as one who married a pastor and nearly two years ago, we left pastoring our church. In no particular order, here’s some of my favourite quotes from Leaving Church:

“Think hard before you do this,” one said to me when I told him I wanted to be ordained. “Right now, you have the broadest ministry imaginable. As a layperson, you can serve God no matter what you do for a living, and you can reach out to people who will never set foot inside a church. Once you are ordained, that is going to change. Every layer of responsibility you add is going to narrow your ministry, so think hard before you choose a smaller box.”

“Sometimes, when people were busy adoring me or despising me, I got the distinct impression that it was not about me at all. I reminded them of someone else who was no longer around but who had made such a large dent in their lives that they were still trying to work it out.”

“Because church people tend to think they should not fight, most of them are really bad at it.”

The following quote from page 120 comes after Barbara Brown Taylor was finally thrown in the swimming pool along with everyone else:

“I never found out who my savior was, but when I broke the surface, I looked around at all of those shining people with makeup running down their cheeks, with hair plastered to their heads, and I was so happy to be one of them. If being ordained meant being set apart from them, then I did not want to be ordained anymore. I wanted to be human. I wanted to spit food and let snot run down my chin. I wanted to confess being as lost and and found as anyone else without caring that my underwear showed through my wet clothes. Bobbing in that healing pool with all those other flawed beings of light, I looked around and saw them as I had never seen them before, while some of them looked at me the same way. The long wait had come to an end. I was in the water at last.”

“Although I never found a church where I felt completely at home again, I made a new home in the world. I renewed my membership in the priesthood of all believers, who may not have as much power as we would like, but whose consolation prize is the freedom to meet God after work, well away from all centers of religious command, wherever God shows up.”

If you haven’t read Leaving Church, I’d recommend it. Barbara Brown Taylor is an incredibly gifted writer. In the sharing of her story of Finding Church – Leaving – and Finding life again she has given us a gift. If you’ve read it, do you have a favourite quote to add?

3 things the church could be more mindful of: introverts, singles, and the coveting of young families 

The following has been on my heart and mind for some time. In no particular order, here are three areas that the church could be more mindful of in 2018:

Introverts.

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I’ve heard it said that our school system is designed for the kids in the middle of the bell curve. This means that there are lots of children who struggle to learn in an environment that wasn’t geared with them in mind.

Most churches would fall into a similar camp. Historically, the Sunday morning church service and the weekly church activities have been designed for a certain type of people: the extrovert.

In the past, it’s been thought that only 25% of the population are introverts. More recent studies are showing that the general population is closer to 50/50 (50% extroverts, 50% introverts). Real quick – introverts = people who recharge their energy best by being alone; extroverts = people who recharge their energy best by being with others.  Please keep in mind that an introvert can be very outgoing and an extrovert could be shy. Really.

Now let’s think about church. Sunday morning church service can be very energizing for an extrovert (lots of people/small talk opportunities). Since large, group activities are plentiful and promoted in the life of the church, extroverts can easily fuel up, while introverts may end up feeling drained and inferior. When is the last time you heard a sermon encouraging you to experience God in nature, or meditation or solitude? When is the last time you were told that meaningfully connecting with a believer 1:1 is just as holy and important as being involved in a small group? (Introverts tend to prefer 1:1 – Jesus did say that when 2 or 3 are gathered it is legitimate church.)

Now is a good time for us to remember, “not wrong – just different.” 🙂 The church needs extroverts. The church needs introverts. We need all. But what the church must stop doing is catering church services and activities for what would recharge an extrovert only. Nearly 50% of the congregation may be introverts, and if it’s not, then has the church lost its introverts? In 2018, let’s learn new ways that we can experience God by inviting more introverts to church leadership and planning.

Singles.

While I currently attend church with my husband and child, one day my husband or I am likely to attend church alone. My child will grow up and one day, my husband or I will walk this earth without the other. Hopefully this happens later rather than sooner but when that time comes, will we feel that we fit/have a place at church just as much as when we were attending as part of a young family? Months ago, when my husband and I were looking for a new church, a single friend said to me, “Churches will want you – you have a cute, young child. Try looking for a church as a single woman. No one knows what to do with me.” This statement opened my eyes and broke my heart.

If you attend church with your significant other, I’d challenge you to attend church some Sunday attempting to see it through the eyes of someone who attends church alone. Look in the bulletin or on the website for upcoming events. How many are excluding or inviting to singles? And what is the language like on the website or at church? Would someone who doesn’t attend church look at the website/promotion materials and conclude that this is a church for families and not a church for someone without a family?  This leads to the third area the church could be more mindful of in 2018.

Coveting young families.

The other night, an advertisement popped up on Facebook saying, “Every church can and should have lots of young families! Let us help you reach your goal.” As my husband read this to me, we both cringed. Many churches place a strong emphasis on wanting to be attractive to young families, and while every church can do some simple things that go a long way (like ensuring that the nursery is both clean & safe), I don’t feel comfortable with making young families the ultimate prize. All people matter to Jesus. Seniors. Singles. People with developmental disabilities. All people. When we prioritize one demographic (young families) above all the others, we should stop and ask ourselves why. Is it because we feel more warm and fuzzy about a young family joining our church than a single man? Are young families prized because we hope to ‘get more’ out of them in terms of money or volunteer commitments? And do we desire having more young families when we don’t even know what our neighborhood demographics are? Please hear me out, I have nothing against young families (I am one of them). What breaks my heart is when a church puts such an emphasis on getting young families that other people who aren’t in that demographic (who matter just as much to God) are missed.

For more on this topic (one of my most favourite blog posts ever) click here:
https://achurchforstarvingartists.wordpress.com/2015/02/19/when-churches-want-a-pastor-who-can-bring-in-young-families/

In 2018, can we be mindful of the above, and in our churches, can we be more inclusive of singles and introverts while discontinuing the coveting of young families? How do you relate to any of the above? Please don’t be shy if you have something to add to the conversation!

Stop and reflect: October

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One day you’re waiting for the sky to fall. The next you’re dazzled by the beauty of it all.  – Bruce Cockburn

The start of October 2017 was full of tragedy. The world felt very dark. As the month went on, more cracks of light started shining through. Here’s some short reflections from the month:

Music: Switchfoot was my go-to (in particular, their Beautiful Letdown Album was my anthem for the month).

Reading: Rob Bell’s “What Is the Bible?”, Steven Curtis Chapman’s Autobiography & Brene Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection.”

Writing: examples of some of my thoughts shared on Instagram & Facebook that received meaningful feedback:

October 5th – on loneliness being the worst type of poverty
October 8th – a confession and encouragement
October 12th – on getting to know our literal neighbours
October 13th – on allowing people to change
October 19th – forgetting about numbers and helping one person at a time
October 29th – what the heart knows by heart, heals the heart

Travel: we took advantage of good weather days and did a couple day trips. The picture above was from visiting Brockville for the first time.

Theme: Today will soon be GONE (Switchfoot) & am I living scared or brave? The latter has been a new thought that arrived at the end of the month. Going to chew on that some more.

Tip: If you’re hungry for community, be willing to put yourself out there. Example: ask someone new to go out for coffee.  You just never know when it will be the start of something beautiful.

What was October like for you? Would love to hear your reflections. Ready or not, November is here. Together, we can face it and maybe even have some fun.

When minimalism makes you angry

Today, as I started purging and reorganizing some of our things, I noticed myself feeling angrier and angrier.

Why do we have this item tucked away in a place where we can never use it?

Why do we have so much stuff? Ugh.

When will we have the time to dispose of or find a new home for all these things?

I recognize that my problem is totally a first-world problem. I feel frustrated that I’m even angry about having too much stuff!

Now hear me out, I’m typically a calm and patient person. Not at all quick to anger. But attempting to live with less stuff triggers an anger response in me. I think I’m feeling overwhelmed with the process of going through items, making decisions, then actually removing those things from home. It takes time, and time is something that we’re all short on.

I don’t think I’m the only one on this journey to minimalistic living who finds themselves feeling angry in the process. I’ve had others tell me that the fact that they are more on-board with minimalism than their partner or kids drives them mad. So what is a person to do when they feel angry in their attempts to live more simply?

For me, I think that I’m going to attempt to take deep breaths and remind myself that little by little, I’ll eventually get there.

What about you? Do you ever feel angry while trying to rid junk from your house? What helps you to remain calm and positive?

 

Book Review: Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton

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I first found Glennon via her viral blog posts. “Dear Chase (Be Kind & Brave)” and the one about her choosing to be grateful for an outdated kitchen are my top favourites! Since I love her work, I was eager to get my hands on this book. And considering that I have a 40 minute commute (each way), the book on cd was the way to go.

First up, the positives. I really like and prefer for the author to read the book. I was very glad that she did this! Secondly, I was glad to finally hear her autobiography. This book gives a good overview of her life (although mostly focused in on the struggles). There are definate moments in the book where Glennon’s wisdom hits a home run. With all that she’s been through (bullemia, addiction, her husband’s affairs) it’s evident that her strength is nothing short of a warrior.

With all that said, I found parts of this book to be difficult to read. Some sections felt quite dark and the new agey message (i.e. you are your own god) didn’t sit right with me.

Turns out, this is a book that I don’t see myself reading again. I’d give it a 3/5. If for nothing else, I’m glad that I read it for the “stay on your mat” story in the book. I say those exact words to myself from time to time and it has been very helpful.

Did you read Love Warrior? What did you think?