How I spend my time

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien

Time. Time has taken on new meaning now that I’m a mom. Oh how I value my down time. I don’t seem to have very much of that anymore! The introvert in me could spend all day reading and writing. I love solitude. A cup of coffee. A walk alone. Driving in the car with the radio off and having my thoughts keep me company. Yes, I’m one of those people!

As a mom to a baby, I struggle finding the balance between 1) getting things done and 2) recharging my batteries. And to be honest, I can waste too much time on facebook when I could have spent that time reading or writing (even blogging!).

I’m challenged by the following thought, “how will I decide to spend my time so that when the day is done I’m left feeling proud instead of discouraged?” It’s not so much a question of, “do I have enough time today to get things done” but rather, “how will I spend the time that I do have in front of me?” I’m on a journey to be better at how I spend my time (whatever I decide is the goal re: how to spend my time for that particular day). To be intentional instead of on autopilot (i.e I’ll just scroll through facebook….and 30 minutes goes by).

Time. We all have limited amounts of it. But we all get to start over each day and decide anew how we will use it.

Reasons why I cry as a new mom

One thing I’ve been surprised about in having a baby is how often I cry. As a kid/teenager and even into my young adult years, I used to pride myself in not being a crier. In recent years, I’ve realized just how ridiculous that is. And unhealthy. So I had to learn how to let myself cry.  Let me tell you that it’s so much better that way! You are able to let things out inside of bottling them up. Anyways, back to the point of this post: I’ve cried a lot in the last 2 months. Here are some of the surprising and not surprising reasons why:

1. I’ve cried many tears of gratitude that she’s here. The fact that I have a baby is never lost on me. I think losing our first pregnancy in an early miscarriage made me realize that having a baby in your arms is not a guaranteed thing. I’m so grateful that I have a baby!

2. I’ve cried at the reality that time is passing fast. Sure she’s “only” 2 months old. But before I know it maternity leave will be over, she’ll be going to school, she’ll be graduating high school, etc. I’m trying to soak this time up as best as I can (with limited sleep).

3. I’ve cried for every person longing to be a parent. Oh how I wish my reality will become yours so soon!

4. I’ve cried at the thought of babies crying and no one comforting them. For those babies living in countries where starvation is the thief of their young lives. For the babies laying in their cribs in orphanages receiving very little human contact due to being understaffed. For babies that live with parents who neglect them. Oh how my heart breaks in a new way for babies all over the world!

5. I’ve cried while I pray for her young life and future. What a daunting yet beautiful task to raise a daughter.

Most days, my tears spring out from my love and gratitude of her. A moment strikes me and I remember that she’s a gift and I’m so grateful.