5 reflections on 2016 & hopes for 2017

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This blog was started in 2016. In addition to the blog; twitter, instagram, and a fb page were created. I gave them all a trial and will be keeping active on instagram & fb and hopefully write more in 2017 on this blog! It was mostly me (R) writing and posting in 2016…maybe D will join me more in 2017. One can dream ūüôā

As I begin to briefly reflect on 2016, I will share the following. I recently read my FB Memories from years past re: my new years reflections. Year after year, I wrote something to the effect of the previous year having its share of really difficult moments & good ones. I guess the saying from Ecclesiastes is true: there’s nothing new under the sun. With that said, I’ll pause to reflect on 2016 and offer some hopes for 2017.

2016

2016 certainly had a theme of loss. While we felt peace about our decision to resign from our church, I mourned the loss of those relationships in 2016. We also said good-bye to our dog, Mowgli, and our cat, Storm in 2016. I miss them.

2016 had a theme of personal growth, too. It wasn’t until the end of 2016 that I realized something: I grew a lot this year in the areas of grace and forgiveness. In 2016, I purposed to “feel all the feels” as well as to let go. Being hurt but not growing bitter is hard work! This could be a whole other blog post. Suffice it to say, I’m entering 2017 feeling light and free.

2016 was a year of growth as a couple. We grew in emotional intimacy and spiritually. We prayed more together in 2016 than ever before.

2016 was the year that I grew closer to my co-workers than ever before. I don’t know why this is. I wonder if my heavy church commitments (being married to a pastor & serving in my own way(s) in the church), caused me to be “less available” when at work. I know that I used to use my breaks at work to do church related things (like update the church fb page, read a book for book club, etc). It could also be the fact that several co-workers have gone through super stressful times this year and it’s more natural for me to “show up” for that than to do small talk. For whatever reason, I’m thankful for new and deepening friendships outside of church walls in 2016.

2016 had us feeling tired & so happy as we watched out daughter grow from a baby to a toddler. We feel tremendously blessed that dad was able to stay home with our girl from summer 2016 onward.

2017

2017 will be the year that we plug into our new church. We visited over a dozen churches in our area in 2016. We are praying about where to put down roots. I am so looking forward to having a church family in 2017!

2017 may bring us closer to discerning what’s next for us in pastoral ministry. Or not. We’ll see! The key is to remain open to whatever comes next. And to also enjoy the season that we are in (we are enjoying it!).

2017 is a great time to do all the new years resolution type things: lose weight. eat healthier. purge items from home. work on projects. read more. travel. I would like all of these! But most of all, I desire to grow in relationship with others this year. Family, friends, co-workers, church goers, strangers, etc. To make time even when you think you don’t have any time.¬† If I spend more time with people, if I’m more present with people, if I’m more vulnerable with people, and if my “people time” decreases online and increases in other ways, 2017 will be a success.

Do you have reflections on 2016 & hopes for 2017 that you’d be willing to share? I’d love to hear them! Truly.

When a pastor resigns remember the pastor’s wife

I just did the math. It’s been 85 days since we’ve become a pastoral family “in transition‚ÄĚ. 85 days since our last day at our church. That‚Äôs almost 3 months. Here are few reflections from my perspective as a pastor’s wife re: resignation, leaving and being in transition:

  1. After my husband resigned from our church, he received phone calls and e-mails and coffee dates from colleagues who were all interested in seeing how he’s doing. He even had a coffee date with a pastor in our area who is from a different denomination. As a result, he felt very supported. During that same time-period, I was attempting to process everything. But no one called to see how I was doing. This was a wake-up call for me. Of course, it’s natural for my husband to be more connected to his colleagues than I am to other spouses of a pastor. Part of his job has included denominational networking and he’s been part of an interdenominational pastoral group in our town. While I was previously aware that there’s not the same networking for spouses of pastors, this reality really hit home when we entered into transition and I was processing our new reality alone.
  2. In the weeks leading up to our last Sunday, we as a couple were committed to, ‚Äúleaving well by loving well‚ÄĚ. For me, I found it rather therapeutic to write encouraging cards to congregation members and to give a speech on our last Sunday at the church.
  3. Some days or moments, I’m able to soak up this “in transition” status. There is significantly less stress and more family time. We actually go to church together as a family! That’s been so nice.
  4. At other days or moments, I’m feeling impatient. Searching for a church can be a long process. I feel lost without a church family. I want to know people at a church and be known. I desire to serve. I describe us as being “an island” at this time. Not fun.
  5. A retired pastor said to me, “leaving a church is a loss no matter the reason”. He’s right. Some days or moments, I miss our old church family so badly that my heart aches. We’ve created appropriate space between us + them during these early transition days. But I think about them. I pray for them. I don’t love them any less now that we are gone.

If you recall anything from these ramblings, I hope it would be this: Remember the pastor’s spouse during a season of pastoral transition. Remember that their life has changed in a big way, too. They could be experiencing relief or grief or anything in between.¬†They are likely feeling very alone. ¬†Do ask how they are doing and offer support in the best way that you know how.

¬†(We’ve been asked by some people what “in transition” means.¬† In the Canadian Free Methodist Church, pastors are first approved for ministerial service by the denomination.¬† Then, they are eligible to be interviewed and hired by a local church Board.¬† That employee-employer relationship is then formalized by the Bishop officially placing the pastor under appointment at the particular location.¬† For those familiar with the terms ‚Äėepiscopal‚Äô and ‚Äėcongregational‚Äô when describing church governance, the Canadian Free Methodist Church is a bit of both. In a nutshell, then, ‚Äútransition‚ÄĚ is the season between when a pastor resigns from one appointment and begins another appointment.)

What’s next?

With Derek’s last day as lead/solo pastor behind us, we’ve been asked “what’s next?” Starting this week, Derek will be a stay-at-home dad to our toddler daughter. He’s looking forward to it! We don’t know how long this will last so we are going to soak it up while we can.

This summer and into the fall, we’ll be looking for a new church to worship at. We plan to visit all of the Free Methodist churches in the area and will be praying about which one to plug into. Derek will continue to serve the Free Methodist Church in Canada at a denominational level as a member on S.C.O.D. (a theological and doctrinal study and writing group).

You may still be wondering: but what’s next for him regarding pastoral ministry? At this time, we don’t know. This response is unsettling for some (’cause a pastor always leaves for another church, right??), but it’s not unsettling for us. We have peace about this next season of life and ministry.

As Christians, we believe what matters most is that you love God & love your neighbour. Good news – this can be done in a 20 person church or a 2,000 person church. A person can be a lead pastor, an associate pastor, OR a lay person and be greatly used by God. We desire to love, serve and grow wherever, whenever. All the while, we want to remain open to however God may lead.

What’s next? Hopefully lots of this:

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